There has been a death in my life. The death of my bikinis. I don’t know when it happened. Somewhere between the pasta and the popcorn…after the Chinese and before the red wine? But I can no longer sport a bikini.
I’ve been frantically packing for an upcoming trip with the family. Thought I had better try on my bathing suits to see which would be the one that would get the extra special service of traveling in my carry on. Can’t take the chance that my luggage would get lost and I would have to buy a new bikini while on vacation. That’s just too damn stressful.
OK..Number 1 looks like crap. Number 2…hmm..did it shrink a little. Number 3…my god where did that back fat come from! AH! I’m gonna puke. What the hell am I going to do? There is no way I can lose five OK closer to ten pounds in the 2 measly weeks we have before we head to Florida. Even if I did hit the treadmill like a crazy women I can’t be seen with the couple we are traveling with (aka Ken and Barbie) in any of these suits! I have no choice. I have got to go shopping for an old lady bathing suit to try and hide some of this winter weight.
Tears in my eyes, credit card in hand I head out to the mall. Wow these specialty places really gouge you in Canada in March. The prices are insane. I head straight for the black bathing suits. Black is thinning right? Alright. That little tankini is sorta cute…oh there are a couple more. 25 minutes in the change room. $250.00 later. I’m out of there.
Home to break the news to the hubby that I just blasted the credit card to help my poor sense of self confidence. His response…”Geeze Hon..don’t worry about that, it’s the least you should get to do consider I ruined our family trip”. Touche! Then he adds “Try them on”. YIKES!
The good news. Apparently I’m still a MILF 
Gotta love him.
Me in a bikini! Now, you don’t want nightmares, do you!!
Me neither. It’s the End of the Innocense. Group hug?
Were going to Orlando…Disney with the babes!
I feel your pain. really, 10 years ago I thought I looked horrid…looking back, I was rockin’ the bikini. I have a feeling you are too and you are being hard on yourself.
The weather in Florida is JUST glorious right now. What part are you visiting?
Enjoy!!!!
yeah, bikini hasn’t been in my vocab for YEARS and even now that I have lost 30lbs, there still is no way I would sport one.
Long live tankinis!!!
$250? YIKES.
Okay, me in a bikini? Equals biscuit dough in a slingshot. Honestly, though, my favorite swimsuit EVAH were my matching Victoria’s Secret panties and bra, (more support than any swimsuit), and a tank top from Target. I can’t tell you how many people asked me where I got my adorable suit. And how many passed out or prayed for me when I told them I was wearing my undies. But, I swear, they’re sturdier, cover more and are more comfortable. Have an absolute blast!!!!
OH, have FUN!! Bikinin or tankini or old lady one piece – have a blast, drink a few and just enjoy! I can’t imagine how long it will be until we have bathing suit weather here in Upstate NY… months still. sigh.