Spring has sprung and all the Mommies have come out of hibernation. They are putting on their suburban Mom outfits and venturing out of their cars for after school pickups. It’s time to say Hello to everyone, get caught up on those we have lost touch with over the cold dark winter. As I float from group to group of Mommies I have a revelation. I am smack in the middle of a jungle of cliques. The Mommies have divided!
Some of the way way post high school cliques I noticed this fine spring day:
Granola Bar Mommies
-health food eating, only organic, save the earth, never use a plastic bag, gave up my car and bike freakin everywhere!
Fashionista Mommies
-can only shop “Down Town”, are perfectly made up, never chip a nail and wear ONLY designer clothes
Sporty Mommies
-teach their own aerobic classes, wear cute yoga pants and hoodies everywhere, have their own walking clubs and have a date set for their next marathon
The Super Gossips
-self explanatory
The Too Familiar with Other Moms Husbands Mommies
-sadly this group is growing. Gross. If he is married, Keep. Your. Hands. Off.
The Slutty Mom Cliques
-wears short shorts, enjoys skin tight jeans and bar shirts every day, thinks she is still 19, may have just had some huge stripper boobs put in, a small group very closely related to the Too Familiar with Other Moms Husbands clique.
The Never Gets Out of Her Car Mommies
-seriously-who are you? Mysterious dark sunglasses, tinted windows, drops off, picks up, no one has ever seen you, you never volunteer for a thing? We don’t bite!
The Uber Volunteer Mommies
-have their hands in everything, the ultimate kiss a**, driving the teachers nuts, always at the school.
The I’m Better Then You Mommies
-nose turned up, opinionated but not helpful, pushy, often leads to play dates from hell, always has a job more important then you.
-as a bonus, clearly has a child smarter, prettier, more talented then yours.
The Live Only For My Kids Mommies
-live and die by the kids schedule, come and sit in the car and watch the kids at recess to make sure they are Okay, take them home for every lunch, never do anything for themselves!
(Okay so that is just one Mommy I know of, but thought she deserved a mention!)
The Executive Mommies
-the lawyers, doctors, V.P.’s, head researchers …the suits
The Give You the Shirt Off their Backs Mommies
-these women would give you anything you need, help you any way they can, stuck for a sitter? sick kid? need a car pool? an ear? lovable, squishy, big hearted Mommies
This list just begins to scratch the surface of the Mommy cliques. There are probably as many different cliques as there are people. I’d like to think I don’t fit into any of them. I’m happy to just keep floating around, enjoying the friendships from some of the best women I have ever met. There really are some very nice Mommies here is Suburbia.
If you think mommy cliques are hard to deal with, imagine being in a childfree marriage among families with children. Many mommies often make snide remarks about the fact that my husband and I choose not to have children. We don’t hate kids and we’re in fact a devoted aunt and uncle. We do not feel the need to constantly bring up our choice in conversation either.
I believe that the women who have made negative comments about our decision are unhappy with motherhood. They are seething with jealousy and they don’t like their lives, so they see a happily married childfree couple as a threat. Mothers who are happy to have children are indifferent to my childfreedom.
I have few friends and many acquaintances. My closest friends are also childfree and I have one close pal who is a mother. She is a wonderful person. My best friends are my husband and myself. I don’t need a clique to feel good about myself.
Isn’t it sad that as women there is any judging, commenting going on at all? Whether we have children, don’t, choose to, are struggling to, or choose not to, it’s no one’s business but our own. Yay for you for having married your best friend, I’ve done the same and three cheers for friends who simply love us for who we are.
I know I’m the “stay in her car mom”, and I don’t think I should be ashamed of being this way…I’m only trying to shield myself and my family from our neighborhood clique. (It’s kind of hard for people to gossip about you when they know nothing about you.) My kids and I have been repeatedly shunned by most of our neighbors. The neighborhood women have gone out of their way to make me aware that they’re excluding me, which I don’t care….I don’t want to be like them, and I’m not like them at all. They actually treat me like I’m second rate trash because I’m not afraid to get dirty and sweaty by doing actual work…I’ve been outside gardening or landscaping and had the group of “women” walk in front of me, dressed up like whores to go out for their girls’ nights, advertising that I wasn’t invited. Honestly, I couldn’t care less! Even if I was invited, I’d never go… I choose to isolate myself because i just don’t want to deal with that type of immaturity. My kids are older than most of the neighbors’, so luckily I don’t have to worry about mine being excluded…mine know that we’re treated differently and have learned to ignore them all. Unfortunately the mean girl ring leader lives right next door to us…she and her husband are the most immature people I’ve ever seen…constantly have to entertain and have parties, drinking any chance they can (the dad even walked to the bus stop to get his daughter off the school bus while drinking beer!) and all their clique friends have the mentality! The irony is that these people are parents and see nothing wrong with the way they behave, doing all of their immature behaviors with kids in tow. the ringleader once made a smart comment to my kids when she heard them talking about something from Spongebob…she said she didn’t allow her kids to watch that show because it’s a bad influence! I about burst out laughing! I guess her kids seeing their parents drunk isn’t as horrible as a cartoon? Anyway i swear I’m living next to a frat house…and to top it off, this past week they had a hot tub put in on their patio. I can only imagine what’s going to happen at their upcoming parties. All I can say is that I will be planting a lot more trees!
What about the woman in the neighbourhood who can’t have kids…. We get snubbed my all these types!!!
Oh I am so sorry. That should never, ever happen.
The mommy cliques are real… If you don’t have children all of these ladies turn their nose up… well unless they need you to watch their dog or water their plants… … Mommy cliques are real in the suburbs, I could write a book!!
I’m a big fan of your blog, but this post really stood out. Sounds like you live in my town!
I can’t imagine which mom I am…sadly I think I might be the one who hides in her car with the dark glasses!
LOL. These mommies also exist in the big urban cities by the way. Except for the sit-in-the-car-mommies, there is no place to park your car!
Loved this list, OMG! I wonder where I’d fit in…
Oh this is so funny! We have the same thing here. My boys attend a parent participation school, so we’re always around school doing something. I do what’s required of me, but there are those moms that practically live on campus. I don’t fit into any of those cliques; I’m just casual, t-shirt, jeans and sneakers is my outfit of choice.
Okay, this was so funny…and true! My girls are currently in an online school so I am “missing” out on this. Yay!!!:-) But I have been there, girlfriend! I am a person without a clique…which probably explains why I had a lot of friendly acquaintances but my close friends had nothing to do with my kids or their moms… I sometimes felt I was mising out on close buddies but on the other hand, I didn’t have to get involved in their clique drama…and they all have their drama”-)
Great post! Luckily, my daughter is still young, so I don’t have to worry about this quite as much yet. At our local parks, there are the icky-type mommies, the regular mommies, and (increasingly) the dads that bring their kids. And most everyone is pretty friendly. I guess the crazies don’t hit until your kids get older. I don’t think I’ll fit into any of those types, though. lol.
This is so funny to me from two perspectives, as a mom and a teacher. I thought the uber volunteer was particularly funny because although I love having parent volunteers, there is such a thing as having too much help. So, if you think it’s interesting dealing with them in a mom to mom relationship, try dealing with some of these broads in a mom to teacher relationship!! Good Times
Sounds like the cliques in my boys’ school too!