How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Aggressive Love Letters. . . .To My Family

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Dearest SweetGirl
When I am asking you to be quick like a Bunny because you are going to be late for school, that actually means..MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT! Please don’t think because I am using my best Mommy sing song voice it is because I want to see your sweetest ballet move as you slowly ascend the stairs to brush your teeth. I am using that voice because if I unleash the drill Sergeant voice that is currently rumbling inside my head I will scare you and send you into reverse. Forward motion baby. Quick like a Bunny. PLEASE!!!

Dearest Hubby
Love of my life.
Please…for the love of Pete..put your undies IN the hamper.

Dear BlueEyes
I’m sorry you can’t find your favorite sweat shirt. Yes I agree it is beautiful. Does stomping your feet and whining about it make you feel better becasue you are kind of scaring me! Who is this pre-PMSing girl and what has she done with my child? Is this a small glimpse of what the teenage years will look like?
The last time I wore your sweatshirt I’m sure I put it back where it belonged!!
This really is not a crisis. Honestly it is not worth tears. Hang on baby we will find it together.

Dear Great Grandma
Oh I do love you with my entire heart. Now that this has been said, when I say “Hey Granny how are you”? It really is just a conversation starter. I don’t want a run down of your aching back, sore knee, itchy arm, cracked skin, rumbly tummy, time on toilet today and what color you coughed up this morning! If you have a new ailment that warrants discussion, by all means lay it on me. Otherwise…maybe we should just jump to the weather!

Kisses

    • Comments

    2. LOL, too funny, I use the drill Sergeant voice around these parts, you have to with 4 boys..ahem, I mean 3 boys LOL

    6. The one to my husband would include the dishwasher, the washing machine, the rubbish bins and remembering the birthdays of his own family, not relying on me. Aren’t we lucky to have them?

    8. Oh my gosh… we have the exact same family!! How ironic!

      And I fall too many times to Drill Sargeant and make us digress in getting to school on time. I melt, then they melt more. AAGGHHH.

      I will sing tomorrow morning.

    11. Love these letters! Can I copy, paste, and forward the granny one to my MIL?

      And I thought I was the only mom (besides my own, of course!) who used the phrase “Quick like a bunny!!!”

    14. Dear Modern Mom,
      Even though your family drives you crazy, I appreciate that they are great bloggy material.
      Your fan, Martha

    15. LOL to granny!!! I totally agree. I do not want long medical updates from anyone.

      My boys think I have taken their clothes too!! HELLO – you are like 2/3 my size.