How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Passive Agressive Letters . . . After a Night at the Movies

in Everyday on

Dear Concession Salesgirl,

I respect that you have a job to do. You job is to up sell. Offer me extra butter, see if I want a bigger pop, perhaps I want a combo? No to all. Hmm. Well, Can I offer you a membership in our rewards program? AHHHH. Dear girl…my movie starts in like 2 minutes and I’ve been informed it is a sold out show, I really don’t want to be in the front row..can I please just have the popcorn and slushie and move along!!!

Signed

Girl in a Hurry

Dear Cinepex Odeon,

Your ticket prices have skyrocketed, your theatres are too cold, your popcorn prices are ridiculous. I have accepted all of that. I am not impressed that after paying to see the movie of my choice I must sit through commercials? Commercials for milk and cell phones? If I wanted commercials I would have waited to see this movie on TV. Bring on the pre-views, bring on the show. Keep your crap 7 minutes of commercials.

Signed

Glad I rushed at the Concession stand so I wouldn’t miss these commercials
Dear Texting Girl,

Turn off your cell phone in the movies means just that. Turn off your phone and stop your crazy texting. I don’t need to be distracted by your little blue screen during a pivotal moment in the movie. Sex scene plus your blue screen and doot doot doot. Anti-Climatic.

Signed

Getting annoyed now.

Dear Sir -Sitting Beside Me,

Oh Sweetie. Didn’t your Mommy ever tell about a little thing called the shower? If you knew about this glorious invention and the added benefit of deodorant my experience last night would have been so much more pleasant. Every time you lift your arm to grab some popcorn I gag. Each time the air kicks in I’m forced to plug my nose. You see dear, this is probably why your date didn’t show up last night. She didn’t know how to tell you the embarrassing news…you smell.

Signed

Girl choking on your B.O. that should have stayed home

    • Comments

    1. HA! I was a movie theatre manager way back when so I definitely understand where you are coming from. I used to make a commission from those extra concession sales so they were important to me! I would write a letter to the patron who comes out of the movie at the very end and asks for his or her money back because the movie was bad. Believe it or not, those people always got passes to come to another movie. UGH!

    3. Okay, now I don’t feel so badly that I haven’t been to the movies in ages. I’ll just keep waiting till they come out on dvd and do the home theater with no line for popcorn/candy thing 🙂

      Cute letters! Let us know if you hear back from any of them!

    11. Going to the movies is expensive isn’t it? Between the ticket price and the popcorn and pop. And those damn commercials that everyone is subjected to. Argh. Nice letters!

    12. Un – Showered Man!!!!! ( I thought I was the only person on earth ever to be stuck next to him…. I guess he gets around!!!)

      Text girl….

      How much you want to bet she was texting her BFF in the lobby???

      They heard about the extra butter for the popcorn, that you passed up!!