I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?
Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.
Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)
Besides, doesn’t it seem like the world was sometime meant for families of four?
Cars are easier to buy.
Hotels are easier to book.
Rides at the fair work out perfectly.
Restaurants always have room for four.
Then, you are two weeks late!
My girls are 8 and 10!!
We can sit by the pool and watch them swim.
We just have to remind them…OK beg them to have a shower. They do the work themselves and there is no more worries of little brown floaties in the tub!
They wipe their own butts.
More food ends up in their mouths vs the floor.
These girls are a twosome, best friends.
We are about 10 years away from some time for “us”. Little trips without guilt.
I’m not wishing it all away, but wow things sure are easier then when they were little.
But Ohhhh a baby.
A third little person to love.
The joy, the love, the new baby smell.
The miracle of a new life.
The wonder of the firsts!
The sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the weight gain, the stress.
The aching back, the hemorrhoids, the killer gas!
Clearly my head was spinning.
A Woman torn.
So..this morning…I peed on a stick.
NEGATIVE.
I was…disappointed?
Just a little.
I’m 38 (yikes) and you know what is finally clear to me.
It wouldn’t matter if I had 2 kids or 6.
I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry.
Are we done? Will there be more little feet added to this house in the Suburbs? Probably not, and I’m OK with that.
But I have to tell you, if it had gone the other way today, if my Clear Blue Easy had shown me a + sign…….
I would have been jumping for joy.
Wow! this explains your previous post. Being late is such a roller coaster of emotions, up, down and all over the place.
When my cycle stopped just out of the blue, I was floored when I found out I was in menopause just two years after my daughter was born. I felt a lot of sadness knowing she would be growing up alone. I’m still trying to find some sort of peace with that but I’m so grateful to have her at all. Talk about down to the wire!
This story was pretty interesting. If you visitor does not come I would do another test…
I totally know how you feel!
Maybe it’s a false negative???
Here’s hoping!! đ
Oh I hear you.
My last positive test had all those emotions, and then I miscarried. Then it’s a weird roller coaster of emotions and questions. I too say we are good with two, who knows what could happen, I know in my heart there is a little one I am waiting to meet up in Heaven someday, and I am thankful everyday for the two I have here on earth!
I couldn’t agree more. We think we’re done at 2, but if something ‘happened’ and a 3rd was on the way, we’d be thrilled.
And then I think about late night feedings, more years of diapers, etc. and am happy with 2!
Awww… can I just say that I totally relate to this post? I mean, I feel complete and happy with 2 little boys, boys who are growing up, and will soon be able to wipe their own bums… and things are getting easier… but at the same time, when I see anotehr baby… I just melt… and I am never sure if I am ‘done’ having children or not. I don’t think I will ever really know for sure, you know? There are a lot of reasons to stop at 2… like all the reasons you mentioned in your post. It’s tough, isn’t it?
I can completely relate to your experience. My kids are 3 and 6 and only now do we feel we are kind of coming up for air…but the thought of a third does cross my mind though not something we are planning.
Everything happens for a reason and in right timing.
I’m one of those women, too. This current pregnancy of mine was utterly and completely unplanned and shocking. There is more to theh story that I divulge on my blog, but believe me, the timing is BAD! When I saw those two lines, I swore. I sat down. I swore some more. About two minutes later, I smiled. It’s impossible for me to NOT be excited and overjoyed about adding another child to my life, no matter what the circumstances, and I know I’m up for the challenge.
Maybe you could just let nature take it’s course and see what happens for you…?
What a great post!
I can so identify with you on this. We have four kids and definitely consider ourselves “done”. But, there’s always that part of me that totally misses being pregnant and having another little one.
I’ve had that reaction every time I’ve taken one of those tests: didn’t matter if I was in college and REALLY not ready for a baby, or if my husband and I had agreed it wasn’t time, even if I was relieved, I always felt disappointment too when it was negative.
I just wish you all the best no matter what the future holds!
Happy Tuesday!
* visiting from SITS
I know how you feel.. Me and DH only have 1 child she is 9 now. In one way I’m perfectly happy like that and if we never have more I will be fine. She is 9 starting over would be crazy! BUT like you said that longing is there, and I am the one that turns and smiles when I hear a baby cry! I completely understand this! ~Angela
awww…this was tugging at my heart today. I feel the same way as you do/did.
I *sometimes* wish I had grown my brood to 5…but at 42 I think I will be pushing the limit and of course there is the “we are almost to college” phase right now.
Glad you are happy either way!