I Peed On A Stick

Toooo Much Info.
I know.
Warning. More personal information to follow.
Ready?

Despite the previously blogged about PMS I was two weeks late with natures gift. Hmmm.
So not like me.
I am a clock.

Two weeks gives a girl a lot of time to think.
I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful girls.
We are a disgustingly average happy family of four.
I was just starting to believe that our little brood was complete.
Mom and Dad, 2 girls. Even a dog and a kitten. (RIP Mr.Fishy)

Besides, doesn’t it seem like the world was sometime meant for families of four?
Cars are easier to buy.
Hotels are easier to book.
Rides at the fair work out perfectly.
Restaurants always have room for four.

Then, you are two weeks late!

My girls are 8 and 10!!
We can sit by the pool and watch them swim.
We just have to remind them…OK beg them to have a shower. They do the work themselves and there is no more worries of little brown floaties in the tub!
They wipe their own butts.
More food ends up in their mouths vs the floor.
These girls are a twosome, best friends.
We are about 10 years away from some time for “us”. Little trips without guilt.

I’m not wishing it all away, but wow things sure are easier then when they were little.

But Ohhhh a baby.
A third little person to love.
The joy, the love, the new baby smell.
The miracle of a new life.
The wonder of the firsts!

The sleepless nights, the wrinkles, the weight gain, the stress.
The aching back, the hemorrhoids, the killer gas!

Clearly my head was spinning.

A Woman torn.

So..this morning…I peed on a stick.

NEGATIVE.

I was…disappointed?

Just a little.

I’m 38 (yikes) and you know what is finally clear to me.
It wouldn’t matter if I had 2 kids or 6.
I think there are just some women in this world who never feel done.
Who will always feel that ache when they see a newborn babe, who instinctively turn and grin at the sound of a little ones cry.

Are we done? Will there be more little feet added to this house in the Suburbs? Probably not, and I’m OK with that.
But I have to tell you, if it had gone the other way today, if my Clear Blue Easy had shown me a + sign…….

I would have been jumping for joy.