Who decides what is fair?
Your child works their tail off all year on the hockey team, and then they are not allowed to play in the final game because they are deemed “not quite good enough” by the volunteer coach.
Your one and only is the victim of bullying at school. It is clear cut. There are three predators. Only two are punished, third boy, he is the principals kid.
Your baby pours her heart and soul into a theatre audition for a fancy school for the arts. She is a talented little drama queen with an impressive list of dance and music experience, she also has the grades to back her up and make her a star! What she doesn’t have. A legacy. Her Mama didn’t go to the school. Nor did her Dad…oh and they aren’t neurosurgeons or fat cat lawyers. Guess who didn’t make the cut.
All are true Mama stories borrowed from my friends, from this week.
This crazy week has me thinking. At what point as a Mother do you step in and announce….UNFAIR. Does it even help to do this?
Does the squeaky wheel ever get the grease…or do they just get labelled “the bitch”?
I try very hard to see my children for who they are. I will never claim to be perfect, and I know they aren’t, but do think I have a solid grasp of who my girls are and what they are capable of. I will advocate for them until they are old enough and strong enough to advocate for themselves. I will also admit that sometimes it is hard to know when to speak up and when to let things run it’s course!
My question to you.
At what point do YOU say enough is enough. At what point does your inner lioness kick in?
-Is it when they are being bullied at school? grrr Girls can be so mean.
-Is it when their spot on the Track team is given to them on a Monday and then snatched from them on a Tuesday?
Where do you draw the line between the ugly and harsh life is not always fair crap that I feel I have doled out once too often lately?
Do you have a story you would like to get off your chest? Tell me I am not alone! I can’t be the only Mama who has had the occasion, the need to stand up for my babies!
When did you have to take a stand and announce NOT FAIR!!!
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They squeaky wheel does get the grease. It’s true. So if your kiddo is facing an unfair situation, get involved. Get VERY involved.
I fight for my kids whenever necessary. I also see things as a teacher that send me over the edge (they bullying, ect) and I step in. That is one of my BIGGEST peeves- any type of bullying.
I think parents should step in when children are in situations that include malice or threats towards them personally when it can be proven 100%. From there we have to teach our kids to stand up for themselves and cope with the issues that life brings forth.
All your friends’ examples seem to clearly point to some sort of intervention, whether it be removing the child from the school/team/club, addressing it with the other adults, taking it to higher administrators or teaching your child how to work through the situation. If the solutions can involve relocating easily, I would do that, if they are in long-term situations where relocating is not possible then address the adults involved…and there is safety and power in numbers…are other parents having the same issues in the same situations? Gang up and speak up together! It’s good to roar once in a while! 🙂
This is a sticky one for me because I feel a bit overbearing where my daughter is concerned. I think as far as sports go, I’ll let her learn the hard way. As far as her education goes, I fight tooth and nail.
My dad once threatened to kick an admissions counselors butt if he didn’t get me registered for the classes I needed. Lo and behold, new sections of everything I needed opened up. Sometimes squeaky wheels get treated right!
I guess my boys are a bit too little just yet, but I know the tug of my heart strings when my 3 year old is left out of a game or blamed (obviously) for something he didn’t do. I have no idea how I am going to cope with disapointments when he gets older, isn’t it a shame we can’t wrap them up in cotton wool.
Life is not fair and all too often kids are the ones being taken advantage of or trampled on. I think we have to be our kids advocate and shout not fair. There are times they must stand up for themselves, but others were there needs to be an intervention. It is a fine line and sometimes it is hard not to cross it.
Great post.
Life is not fair and all too often kids are the ones being taken advantage of or trampled on. I think we have to be our kids advocate and shout not fair. There are times they must stand up for themselves, but others were there needs to be an intervention. It is a fine line and sometimes it is hard not to cross it.
Great post.
That’s a hard one. I haven’t had any of the things you mentioned to happen to us, and if I did, I don’t know how’d I’d react.
But, I tell my children, “Not everyone is going to like you.” I tell them not to let it get them down, to be strong, do the best they can do, and move on. They know they are loved by me and they have lots of friends, and accomplishments that they can be proud of.
I don’t want them moping over “unfair” (to put it nicely) people.
But, a couple of serious issues have occurred and “Mama” did step in!
My rule is…you are not going to hurt my kids..period! I am not crazy mom..but I have always taught my kids that they are perfect just as they are and they are the perfect them! It’s hard to watch other kids be mean to them. It doesn’t happen usually but there are times when you get in a play group and kids get cliquey….I say they’ve learned this from watching their parents. Anyways, I usually tell my girls don’t worry about it. Play with someone else. Move on to another toy…whatever, But what gets my goat is when you have the other mom standing there like she is flipping blind to her kids bad behavior.I will be damned if her bad parenting is going to give my girls a complex, so that’s when I say something….to the Mom.I raise my kids to share and be accepting to all kids. If I saw my daughters making another child feel badly or exclude them ( just to be an asshole) I would promptly correct my child’s behavior, reprimand them fro that behavior and make them apologize. This other Mom just ignored the whole thing..right in front of her. It was pretty obvious when her little girl said, ” No, we don’t want “you” to play with us!” So, my tongue go the better of me and before I could stop myself… ” WoW!!! It’s amazing how Catty and cliquey little girls can be at this age!” She was flabbergasted and unamused but she got the point.
I don’t have kids but this is one thing I dread about having kids. I won’t play the neighbor politics so my poor kids will eventually be screwed.
Ladies!
I have responded personally to each of you that I could find an e-mail for!
I am amazed at the power and strength all of you amazing Mama’s, and a litle heartbroken at the tears some of our babies have had to shed.
Thanks for sharing with me some of your experiences. It is always good to know as we face these little battles in the Suburbs we are not alone:)
I don’t recall many from when my children were growing up. I do have a friend who was just telling me about this last week. Her sons team didn’t win one game all year yet the last game the coach didn’t even play her son! So was pissed.
As for me I have bowled on a league for 18 years and FINALLY we are in 1st place and they are not giving trophies this year! I am sending letters because I really wanted my trophy. I am 58 and have never won one and I think I should get one!
I believe you have to go with your gut as to when to step in. My son just turned 11 and if it’s up to him… if it’s something he’s whining about then I will suggest actions that HE can take to resolve the situation WITHOUT becoming involved.
I actually started homeschooling him in the 3rd grade not because he was being bullied… but because I didn’t believe the crap the school was pulling. He was in a room with two boys that had autism. One was high functioning, one was not. There was exposure on the playgrounds, sexually suggestive things said at the lunchroom table, a death threat to another student for turning in one as a bully…and I said, I’m sorry, enogh is enough. ALL of he other classes were at max capacity so they wouldn’t move him to anohter class so I pulled him from the school.
My son is sometimes the victim (becuase he’s so nice) and so I’ve actually had to TELL HIM things to say to people in certain situations just so he felt he had some power.
For instance, in one of his classes (we took some classes at a school for homeschoolers)… a girl that was in the 9th or 10th grade kept telling him he was stupid. It was REALLY bothering him. She was also telling him to shut up — which we are not allowed to say in my home. I finally told him the next time she said he was stupid to tell her, “Well, I may be stupid, but I can read a book. You’ll unfortunately always be extremely ugly.”
He did it one time and she never crossed him again.
So, while it wasn’t exactly mean, he still go this power back in that “bullying” situation.
I just guess I let things play out as they may but I am CERTAINLY not one to let anything go “just because”
Now, I don’t believe everything that comes out of my children’s mouths 100% either b/c they tend to over dramatize…so I will find out both sides of the story and then play devil’s advocate.
I’m typically labeled a bitch for doing so but no one put e on this earth to make nice with everyone. 🙂 I’m a momma bear..and if it’s Mrs. Bitch.. so be it! 🙂
When my oldest son was 11 years old, he played baseball. He was not aggressive like the “super star” kids. He struck out…again. He started to cry from obvious frustration. His big fat donkey’s rear end of a coach proceeded to yell in front of all the stands and other kids. “Don’t you dare cry….no crying on my field!!!” It was awful. I didn’t not want to embarass my son and cause even more of a scene. I walked over to the dugout to make sure he was ok and to let to coach feel the heat streaming from my head.
The next time he got up to bat, he hit a great line drive and made it to 2nd base. My sister stands up and hollers….”That’s the way to shut that coach up….Good job!” All the moms cheered in agreement. The coach glared our way, but never once was rude to my child again.
It’s so hard to watch life’s unfair moments directed at out children 🙁 No…you are not alone…
I have some bitter memories as a child and I was so afraid my daughter would go through what I went through. Alas, it didn’t happen. But I’d probably be the kind who’d change schools. I’m wimpy.