How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Manicures and Court Dates

in Everyday on

It was a rare event.  Three free hours with no Hubby, no kids.  I could have headed home and done some laundry, paid those bills read some blogs.  I decided to take a walk on the wild side and actually do something for me.  Off to my little nail salon for a wee bit of pampering.  With the help of my fancy hands free blue tooth I managed to secure myself the very last nail appointment of the day.  This might be the best idea I have had in a long time.  Was going to get myself some of these.

nails

I arrived just in time to say goodbye to the assistant nail tech and have a quick chat with the second last customer of the day.  I’m all kinds of friendly like that.  It wasn’t long before I was enjoying the familiar gossipy talk Hyde always offers up when I mange to squeeze in a visit. He filed, and laughed and chatted.  I tried to be witty and keep up.

Suddenly the atmosphere in the tiny nail salon changed.  I could feel it, I could see it on Hyde’s face, but to be honest I didn’t know what the hell was going on.  A tiny little girl walked up to where we were seated. 

Hyde, you have been served.

Ummm Awkward.

Yeah this little trip to the nail salon.  Not so much fun for me anymore. Even less fun for Hyde. 

He needed me to help him decipher the paperwork.  English is not his first language.  He is being sued for full custody of his 2 week old son.  Gut punch.

Now I am usually all about the Mamas, but Hyde is in a tough place.

He is a first generation immigrant from Vietnam.  He is looking after his elderly parents who are not well, and speak no English.  They live with him.  This is expected in his culture.  It is his honor and his duty.  His parents have told him if he try’s to bring this girlfriend OR his son home, they will not “be recognized”.   Then …Hyde will be disowned. 

Hyde told me if he let’s his son go “he will never in his life be happy”.  Yet, if try’s to remain involved in his sons life, he will lose both parents, bring disgrace to his family and “never in his life be happy”. 

You know what is not a lot of fun?  Having a man paint your nails with tears in his eyes. 

You know what is less fun?  Being that man and being forced to pick between your culture, your parents……..or your newborn son.

I’m a free thinking, independent, self centered? Canadian girl.  I know what I would do.   Easy for me.  My heart belongs to my children, not my culture.  My parents would lose in this game of school yard pick.  I don’t know what our friend Hyde is going to do.   I think it’s harder for him.

What would you do?

    • Comments

    1. I feel his pain,i hope things work out for him.Sometimes Mom’s make bad decisions….kids need their Dad’s unless of course…..

    2. It’s odd because when people move to America you just tend to think they’ll adapt all their ways to be and think like “us” like your average American. And they do, to some degree, because they frequent our fast food establishments, etc. But abandoning culture is something most won’t do.

      Gut check — yes….

      Reality is… he has a child… he now is responsible for that child.

      Sounds like he has the potential for great loss here.

      The whole “honor” thing in culture .. “you’ll bring shame on the family”… you know what… F YOU…it’s an INNOCENT CHILD that needs a family and a dad. If you choose not to accept my child… I’ll just tell him YOU ARE FREAKIN DEAD!

      My heart is with this man. But being sued for full custody? Why would anyone do that… that’s just silly unless they can prove he’s unfit. I think children need their fathers…. they need all the red tape cleared from a pathway to allow them to feel unrestricted in being a dad.

    4. Been there, done that in a way. I was told if I stayed with my boyfriend, my family would disown me. It was a religion thing-my family is pentecostal Christian, my boyfriend at the time was not.

      I married him. They couldn’t follow through, but the damage was done. For me, to know that they were willing to walk away from me like that has been something I’ve struggled with forgiving. We have tried to mend fences but Hubs was never fully accepted, and they were always trying to drive a wedge between Hubs and I, and us and our son. Finally we just cut them off completely.

      It’s a difficult spot to be put in-you love your parents and having your family ripped out from under you like that leaves you feeling abandoned. The rejection from people who you expected to love you no matter what, cuts to the very core. It’s something I never really have gotten over.

    6. We have a large population of Vietnamese immigrants where I live. I am in awe of their devotion to their families. The pride they take in helping their elders, the joy the have for their children. What a hard place poor Hyde is in. He can not win either way. As sad as it is, he has one hope. It is a son. If he were to bring his son into his parents home in hopes that a baby can cure all, especially in some cultures a son.

    8. What a heart-wrenching story! Poor Hyde. I am right there with you, though. I would choose to be with my son. They don’t live in Vietnam anymore. This is Canada. We do things a little differently here. But to disown your children while you are not well and do not speak English? Really? That’s just a no-win situation.

    9. that’s how it rolls in some culture. hope hyde will pull through somehow – it’s a tricky situation but he should pick his gf and newborn because that’s his future.

      ~ash’s mum