If your bladder is full and you have had 2 huge babies. You had better brace for that sneeze. Cross those legs sweetie.
By the way…..watch out for trampolines too.
Never trust a man who leads with …. “Trust me”.
Eyebrow waxing…actually any kind of waxing should be left to the experts!
A child will always get the stomach flu in the middle of the night.
Ear infections, they happen on Fridays, right after the Doctors office close, or during the holidays.
That air conditioner you are trying to hang onto for just one more summer will die in the middle of the biggest heat wave of the summer. (along with everyone else’s so it will take at least three weeks to fix)
Ummm Kids don’t know that you must knock on a closed bedroom door. Don’t scar your kids for life, invest in a locking doorknob.
Girlfriends will gossip. It is the nature of the beast. Sadly, there are few people in world that you can truly trust. When you find them, hang on tight.
Just because you are a D.I.N.K. (double income no kids) that does not mean you should buy a vacuum from a door to door sales guy. This does not make you super responsible and wicked smart planning for your future, it just makes you well a gullible d……ummy. What did you think I was going to say. 
Zits happen. Never EVER squeeze them with your fako acrylic or gel nails. Trust me fake nails + pimple squeezing = disaster.
You know how that sales girl keeps telling you you don’t look fat in those pants? Yeah. She’s on commission baby.
When you drive a huge SUV with retractable side view mirrors USE them when you park that baby in the garage. The manufacturer does not put the option on the car cause it’s pretty, they put it on there so when you back out of the garage, your mirrors stay attached to the vehicle! 
Here’s hoping by sharing my wee bits of misery you won’t have to learn these things the hard way!
Mmm… smart, smart… i should write these babies down!!!!!!!!
An award waits for you at my blog 🙂 http://becausethereisntthatmuchtime.blogspot.com/2010/06/awards-come-and-get-em.html
So I’m not the only one that peed my pants jumping on a trampoline post baby?
So true. I’m already missing my old bladder of steel. Sad to think I will never get it back!
All true. Except we bought a vacuum from a door to door sales person and it was the best thing ever because my mom constantly borrows appliances like vacuum and mower breaks them. She wont borrow that one though because it was so expensive. Definately saved us money in the long run. And now we have lawn service so she can’t borrow our mower.
LOL…stay away from trampolines! Bahaha…
Stomach flu in the middle of the night – yep. Christmas Night, too!
Must knock, so true, but then go away when we tell you to we’ll be right there. LOL!
Unfortunately, girlfriends DO gossip. If you can find one loyal friend in this world YOU ARE LUCKY. So, so true!
The pimple thing…why at our age do we still get them? At some point, don’t they just stop? UGG…
Great post, my friend!
That jumping thing is so true.
Ha ha! Those are great and so very true! 🙂
Oh yes. So true.
Like the air conditioner in summer, the old furnace will die in the middle of hell freezing over.
trust me…err…smiles. some great (and funny) wisdom…so you really did all of these?
Darn your a little late. Most of these I can cross off my list as well.
Is there some scientific reason that the stomach flu starts during the night? Always with the sleeping and then BLAH. Ugh!
Never trust a man who leads with “Trust ME”…How right you are!
Oh…and definitely use the retractable mirrors!
These are so, so true! Thanks for giving me a nice laugh to start the day.