How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Quickest Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

in Everyday on

I often see articles in magazines or posted on line that claim they have the best advice for how to strengthen, protect or even save your marriage.  You know what I don’t see?  Stronger worded advice, words to the idiots, a nice bullet pointed list for the fools of the best and fastest ways to destroy a marriage. Now I’m not talking about the big time stuff like acquiring a drinking problem, gambling the family money away or stepping out on your spouse.  Every person should be smart enough to know to avoid those pitfalls.  I’m talking about the everyday little habits that will eventually drive your partner down the hall to the spare bedroom…. never to return again!

So here it goes, my list of grievances things not to do:

*Enough with the snoring already.  A tired wife is a bitchy wife.  He may say he can’t help it, I say, whatever.  Learn to roll onto your side without me kicking you in the back.  Another tip for the Hubby, after you have gone drinking with the boys, drag your ass down the hall to the spare bedroom to sleep so I don’t have to!  I can’t listen to that “bulldozer/chainsaw stuck inside a plastic tube noise” ALL NIGHT LONG anymore!

*Put caps back on things.  On toothpaste, on ketchup, on mayo.  Caps. Back. On.  Thanks.

*The bathroom.  It may not be your “job”, but how did it become mine?  Take a turn cleaning the toilet and the shower once in a while.  We hate cleaning stray pubes too.

*You know that basket looking thing in the bathroom? Guess what, it’s not for flowers, it’s for dirty clothes! Gasp.

*When the toilet paper runs out…please, put another roll on.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I prefer not to have to choose between drip dry and Glamour Magazine.

*When you come in the house your whole family is thrilled to see you.  Even the spazzy cat comes to say hello.  I’d be even happier to see you if you didn’t leave your shoes in the middle of the hall. Tripping on them, not fun.  Just Saying.

In Defence of ModernDad, he brings me coffee without being asked, takes his share of carpool, and makes dinner more often then I do.  I know I’m a lucky lucky girl…but I’m still allowed my list of grievances. 

Sigh.  Much better to get it off your chest helps!  Throwing in the odd curse.  Totally optional.  So go ahead, tell me, what’s on your list of grievances today?  Maybe we can make a big old list for all the refrigerators in the Suburbs. 

    • Comments

    2. My husband is very neat, he does snore from time to time but I do too! He will never ever close the front hall closet when he gets a jacket out. What up with that?
      Great list!

    6. I love that I did not marry a rash man. I know he’s going to think his way carefully through every decision, which has saved us a lot of heartache. (And I know he carefully thought his way through to marrying me and will not go back on it).

      Howeva! Sometimes a little fire under the butt would be nice.

    10. How about when you tell him about 5 times in a row where the kids need to be picked up and he shows up at the in-laws instead of school….and the snoring for sure puts the icing on the cake!

    14. Where do I start?? Oh, here;

      Put it where it belongs!!

      – That gallon of milk you just finished? It goes IN THE RECYCLE BIN, not on the counter beside the fridge.

      – When the trash/recycle is full? EMPTY IT.

      – Dirty clothes? HAMPER.

      Thanks, I feel better now.