I can feel it already. Tomorrow is going to be one of those days. It’s the annual event all women dread, we put it off and yet we know we simply must do it. It’s the annual physical. (uh note to the men folk who read my blog, you might want to just move along now, this post is not for you)
Tomorrow morning I will shower as if I am getting ready for a date where I know I’m going to get some uhhhh attention? I will shave, lather and be sure I am extra super squeaky clean. Why? Not because I am looking forward to some “come hither” time with someone I love, but because I have a date with the cold hard invasive claw that is known as the speculum. Frankly, this kind of date sucks!
It’s not just the little blue sheet, the humiliating weigh in, the making small talk with a kindly Doctor as she examines your privates, the boob check…it’s the dread that builds up to this day!
It’s trying to figure out which socks weigh the very least (every ounce counts on those scales). Which underwear and bra are “Doctor” appropriate, and for this self confessed hypochondriac it’s talking myself off the preverbal ledge. What if she finds something? What if these constant headaches are more then just headaches? What if the gnawing ache in my stomach is more then the “simple” ulcer I have decided it is and my well meaning Doctor scares the crap out of me with a litany of tests. Oh she does like to order tests.
Sigh. Stupid to worry, worse to complain about having access to health care.
Perhaps tomorrow I will get lucky. Maybe Specky the Speculum will be warmed up and waiting for me under a heat lamp, maybe it will be quick and painless, maybe I will weigh less then I think I do, maybe she will prescribe an anti-biotic for my “oh so simple to diagnose stomach ache” and all this worrying will be for naught. Maybe.
A girl can dream right. Sometimes being a women is so much more complicated then it seems.
Oh yes… this one trumps the dentist. Hope this years went as well as can be.
Oh girl, you have nooooooo idea. I hate Specky too, and yet following my miscarriage I have had regular dates. Long dates. Where I have to try to breathe through to relax and not clench up. oooouch. And a month later, still bleeding, which means more tests to come.
May tomorrow be quick with nothing much to write about. May all your tests be normal, and may you dance your way til next year’s appointment.
I loathe the appointments. When I was younger I used to have to drink a wine cooler before hand to relax enough to be able to walk through the door. I no longer have to drink, but a valium would be nice.
I do not like those days either.. I hope you made it through it. Here are Late hugs..
I remember on my 25th birthday I had scheduled that appointment on my actual birthday… good planning…never made THAT mistake again!
I agree with an above commenter. You deserve a treat after!
I have the hardest time getting in for the simplest things (strange rash that lasted for months – ehhh, it can wait) but that? Usually, I take care of it and get it out of the way immediately; but boy do I hate it.
You’ve made me feel guilty as I haven’t been in 3 years. I know, I’m a bad girl.
Love it, your so funny! I always refuse to be weighed.
Yep, least favorite day.
I found an office that was only a GYN and loved it. They had NO paper in the office. Like real gowns and real sheets. And, the speculum was the perfect temperature. It was like a date. You’ve got to find a place like that.
However, yes, still awkward with the small talk, the looking at your who-haw and the fondling of the boobs.
You know what I’d do?
Send myself flowers to the doctors office so it could feel like a real date.
I’m just kinda crazy that way.
I dread that day too!