How to Survive Life in the Suburbs

Tiny Flying Vampires

in Everyday on

It was two days before Christmas, when I heard a persistent, one might even say agonized “scratching” in the wall, right next to the fireplace.  Hubby convinced me it was just a wee mouse, at worst some poor lost baby squirrel trying desperately to stay warm in the coldest weather South-Western Ontario has seen in 20 years.  I’m gullible, really wanted this to be true, so  I chose to believe that not only was it just one we rodent type creature inside that wall, but that there was no possible way said creature could ever get out of that wall and into my home. I. Was. Wrong.

Then just two days ago, I left the house to take my girls to the chiropractor.  My Dear Hubby was a little too anxious to rush us out the door?  To have us call on the way home.  Huh?  WHY?  Ohhh maybe he was going to surprise us with a nice lunch, or perhaps just start a fresh pot of coffee and hot chocolate for the girls?  I could not have been more wrong.  What I would later learn, SassyHubby was trying to usher us all out of the front of the house so we would not be exposed to the horror that was flapping around in my kitchen.  A mere 15 feet away, my little white cat had a BAT cornered in the blinds.  What the hell!  This was no happening AGAIN.

Bat

After I was scooted out of my home, Hubby caught the bat and unceremoniously tossed that ugly creature out into the snow.  Don’t even start with me if you think this was cruel.  When it comes to bat vs. man; bat has to go!  Those things are KNOWN to carry rabies and should not be flying around at this time of year!  Especially INSIDE a house!  If you have a bat in your house in the dead of winter you need to be hitting the panic button, something is very wrong with that creature.  

I came home from the chiropractor, a little disappointed that there was no surprise lunch waiting for me, and none the wiser that SassyHubby had just gone one on one with a bat using nothing but a giant Tupperware lid.  When out of ear shot of the kids SassyHubby confessed what he had been up to that morning.  Fighting a tiny vampire!  I might have freaked out a bit.  First there was denial,. No, this could not be true!  Then anger. Why?  Why was this happening again, we already had our turn with flying rodents the night we fought the bats with a beach blanket!  Then finally acceptance.  Time to make a plan to survive the evil little vampires trying to move into my home!  

As this is the second time in three years we have had a bat in the house, I had a horror movie playing in my head.  That scratching I had heard?  There were dozens of bats fighting to get into my house weren’t there????  Were there thousands of these vampire like creatures laying in wait to come out under the darkness of night and attack my children, drink their blood and get all tangled in our hair?  This is when hysterical Mama kicked in.  I ordered an exterminator be found immediately.  I didn’t care if it cost extra after hours!! I announced I would not stay in a house with bats, and started making a list of options for accommodation for myself and the children until our home was declared bat free!

Patient Hubby, not phased by one wee bat nor by my over the top reaction, called an exterminator who arrived pronto.  (and FYI apparently my reaction to bats in the house, totally normal!)  This hero in steel toe boots went climbing through our attic, dug through our walls and inspected our fireplace.  He found….some mice.  Yuck and yeah?  Yup, apparently quite common and not a big deal?  Are there more bats anywhere up there?  Maybe, but probably not.  Exterminator Man’s story:  He figures that bat was sleeping away the winter in the relative warmth of our walls.  When the temperature took a huge dip, bat shifted, bat fell, and all disoriented and sleepy accidently ended up in our house instead of outside.  Shiver.  Turns out what we had was one stupid bat.  To reiterate; Exterminator Man assured me we do not have a bat problem, he doesn’t think we will see anymore flying fellows anytime soon.  This was not a rabid flying bat, just a dumb one. However, just to be sure, he will be back to double check in the spring.  The spring?  There are 67 more sleeps until the spring!

I can’t walk into a closet, dark room or the kitchen without looking for tiny flying vampires.  Every time the cat scratches I jump three feet in the air.  The kids knock the chandelier in the front hall and I nearly pee my pants.  Sleep?  Sleep is impossible because that is when the bats come out!  I have a case of Post Traumatic Stress Bat Disorder, and now there is one more reason I hate winter.  Anyone want to put us up until the spring?  I can bring my cat!

Phineas1

    • Comments

    1. I don’t like bats either, terrified of them, but reading your story brought a chuckle and a smile, your a great writer and love reading your blogs keep up the good work….and hopefully the exterminator is right and no more bats!!!

      • Thank you Lynda, that is very sweet of you to say!
        Now as to that exterminator, he had better be right or I will have to move! I can’t exist in a house with bats!

      • I am so thankful there are people in this world who enjoy that kind of work! I never thought I would be so happy to see an exterminator walk through my front door. Yuck is right!

    5. I’ve never had a bat in the house but we did have scratching in the walls of the first home we rented. My husband thought it might be a rat. I’m from Alberta where we have no rats, so was quite out of my league thinking of rats in my Nova Scotia home. It turned out to be a much smaller rodent ( didn’t look closely but I think it was a mole) which we caught in a trap in my closet.

      • Eek!! Okay a mole sounds much better then a rat and is certainly better then a bat, but what are these creatures doing getting into our homes!! So glad you survived your scare with one of Mother Natures crazy creatures.

    6. Gah, I would have freaked too, and I am not the freak out kind. We had scratching in our walls and it was mice, and a bee hive. Luckily no bats.
      Good luck.

      • Okay the bee hive in your walls had to be kind of scary too!! (then again, I am the freak out kind) Hope all is well now!

      • It is ridiculous how scary a teeny tiny bat can be!! No wonder they use them in horror movies!

    9. Oh my goodness. You have quite the bat visitors! I just read your post from 2009 and omg I totally agree with your actions to get that bat out of the house in both cases!! Let’s hope the exterminator is right and there’s no more bats.

      • Oh I too hope our exterminator was right. If another bat appears in this house I’m going to have to move!

    10. OMG eeck !:) so gross! i thought we had it bad when we had bed bugs! actually, it’s probably about a tie

      • Eek! Yes, I agree and actually wonder if bed bugs might be harder to get rid of? Hope you are all good now!

    12. Yay to sassy hubby dealing with the bat, but Nay to the bat – I hate them!!! Really hope no more decide to enter your home, I have only ever had to deal with a bat inside once and that was enough!

      • Once you have had a bat in your house you simply never forget it! So sorry to hear you’ve had those evil critters in your house too! Shiver.

    13. Oh gosh–hang in there. The Mrs. tells a story of when she was in college and discovered a bat flying in her apartment about midnight. She got into her car drove 2 hours to her parents home and called her building’s maintenance man from there. She would not return until the man assured her that the bats were gone.

      Oh those creepy crawlies.

      • LOL I had to laugh out loud when I read your comment. I completely understand the instinct to get in the car and just drive away. Thank goodness my Hubby was home to chase down that little bat. My parents are in Florida right now, that is one heck of a drive!

    14. Eeeeeeeeeek!!! Kudos to Sassy Hubs for chasing you all out of the house to not have to witness the removal. I am shuddering for you…..

      Granted this is coming from the girl who screams like a banshee while spraying bug spray willy-nilly when a spider is spotted….sooooo maybe not the toughest cookie 🙂

      Keeping my fingers crossed the exterminator is correct!

      • I am still shuddering from that stupid bat removal. (so not a bug killer either) I really can’t imagine what I would have done if he hadn’t been here!