How To Survive Mornings In The Suburbs

After about 11 years of life here in the suburbs I have picked up a few tips.  Mornings may not be all sunshine and rainbows, but by following a few of these suggestions, you may see fewer tears and temper tantrums and actually emerge on the other side with a smile?    Okay, not a smile, but maybe that sassy kid that ripped your vay jay jay in half on the moment of her birth will leave your house with a skip in her step instead of a curse word in her throat.  Pre-teens are so much fun!

#1.  Make sure your Dear Daughters have an outfit picked out for school BEFORE they go to bed.  Then you go and pick out the back up outfit because the one they choose was: not warm enough, too hot or way inappropriate for school.  If by some miracle they come down to breakfast and are wearing the perfect outfit, then you can be sure they will dump a glass of orange  juice all down the front of their white shirt.  Just trust me and have a back up.

#2.  If you are super smart, you will have lunches made the night before too.  Why?  Cause when you don’t, that is when you realize that all you have left in the fridge is a left over piece of pizza and half a bagel.  Not cool.

#3.  Breakfast is easy.  Whatever crap food you serve them be it a bagel, toaster waffle, instant oatmeal …just throw some fresh fruit on the side and a glass of milk and you will feel like that Mom from Leave it To Beaver, or at the very least good ol Mrs Brady, at least she was smart enough to hire Alice.

#4.  Hair.  Girls are easy.  Pony tails.  Yes, straightening their pretty little locks may seem like a good idea, but it’s June people, the Head lice are taking over the schools!  Put that hair up!!  Boys, gel.  Head Lice don’t like gel.

#5.  Teeth.  Send them upstairs to brush and floss.  Remind them that they must brush WITH toothpaste.

Note: While your children are doing number 3 and 5, you’re running around emptying the dishwasher, starting the life elixir otherwise known as coffee, and throwing a load of laundry in.  This way no matter what else happens in the day, even if you spend the entire day eating bon bons and blogging,  you will look like you did something!

#6.  As your gorgeous kids come back downstairs, send them right back up again.  At least one of them forgot socks, the other one brushed her teeth, but she didn’t use toothpaste.

#7. Grab those pre-packed lunches and kiss them good bye.

#8. When you kiss the Hubby good bye, give him a big swat on the butt or even a little nip on the neck!  He will grin at your mischievous attitude, wonder what you put in your coffee, and think about you all day long.  This makes you one very smart girl.  

This my friends is how you get through survive mornings in the Suburbs.