Passive Aggressive Letters From The Suburbs

It’s that time again.  Actually, it’s way past time for a good old fashioned rant.  Nothing gets it off your chest better than some good old fashioned passive aggressive letters.  After all, it’s cheaper than therapy and less fattening than chocolate.

Dear Grocery Clerk,
I fully understand that you have switched to “bring your own bags” at this great grocery giant. I love the environment. I have no problem with the new policy of charging for plastic. I even bought my reusable bags a long long time ago, I even remember to bring them with me once in a while.   But here’s a little tip. Just because those industrial strength bags and nifty grocery bins we can purchase can hold 50lbs of groceries each…DOESN’T MEAN I CAN LIFT THEM!!  Ease up.

Dear Fellow Driver,
Tinted windows do not make you invisible.  I can still see you picking your nose.  (and so can everyone else)  Stop acting like a rolled up window is a shield of invisibly and grab a freaking kleenex.  You are distracting not to mention all kinds of gross.

Dear Gas Station Attendant,
On the very rare occasion that I can actually find a full serve gas station I actually giggle with glee.  I miss your full serve awesomeness and don’t mind occasionally paying a premium to avoid the wind, the rain and of course the I stinky gassy smell that stays on your hands for hours.  However, when you fill up my car and proceed to  spill that liquid gold down the side of my brand new vehicle, it makes me kind of stabby.  At least take a moment to say “sorry”. It’s the Canadian thing to do. The wipe that mess up so I can get on with my day.

Dear Pedestrian,
Oh excuse me.  No wait.  Excuse you!!  Did you just walk right into me after narrowly missing the pole?  That’s because you haven’t looked up from your smart phone in at least 10 blocks.  Get your head out of your ass…er I mean phone and look up. There’s a big beautiful world out there and you’re missing it.

Signed as always
With love (and sarcasm)
Me XOXO